PLUNK GENEALOGY -- see "Family" label on this blog and/or write Mike at

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

I Sat On A Slug

An interesting observation on human nature hit me in the middle of the forehead recently. It was one of those “ah-ha” moments. I’m going to share it with you, but first I need to share the back story.

Several months ago, during pleasantly warm weather, I went out to our back patio to sit for a few minutes. I like to do that. My favorite canvas chair is at the end of the patio next to the flower bed I planted with rose bushes, a gardenia bush and overflowing pastel impatiens. Even in the dark, it’s a lovely place to relax.

As was usually my habit, I simply walked to the chair and plopped down. That’s when I felt something chilly, wet and squishy beneath my left thigh. I immediately jumped up out of the chair and pulled the thin material of the slacks away from the place on my leg where it had been plastered. With regretable instinct, I reached back to touch the gooey place, was grossed out and wiped my fingers furiously on the already yucky slacks.

The only thing that came to mind was bird doo, but that didn’t make sense because the chair was under the roof of the patio and there was no place up there for birds to roost.

I walked awkwardly into the house for Mike’s help. He couldn’t tell what it was until he examined the chair. Combined, the substance on the chair seat plus the back of my leg equaled one slug – a disgusting creature to look at much less sit on.

Mike cleaned off the chair and I dumped the slacks in the washing machine and washed my leg.

Here’s the point, if you were curious. Although I had never seen a slug or snail anywhere in my yard and I have not seen one since, I can not sit in that chair without lightly swiping my hand across all of the seat to ensure that I’m the only one who’s going to be sitting there.

I had a dramatic experience, and I quickly learned a lesson. So I asked myself, “why can’t other lessons be learned as quickly?”

Why don’t I know that feasting on maximum holiday goodies will result in a three-to-five pound weight gain?

Why don’t I know that project should END by the deadline, rather than get started?

At this point in life, why don’t I get it that not everyone has my best interest at heart?

And why wouldn’t some fool know that if he sneaks flammable material in the crotch of his tighty-whities onto an airplane that not only will he scorch the family jewels, but that he will also end up in an American jail -- -- for a very long time.

Some people are slow learners. Try sitting on a slug.

1 comment:

Alasdair X said...

I'm really intrigued by your sitting on a slug! However, I reckon the slug suffered more than you did! I'm sure it didn't appreciate supporting 140 pounds of womanhood! I'm sorry about your slacks but they seemed to have cleaned up ok. By the way, did the slug burst open or was it just slightly squashed by the experience?