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Saturday, August 16, 2008

For Women Only

As almost everyone else in the world has been, Mike and I have enjoyed watching some of the Olympics this week. We particularly like the gymnastic events. I think the designers did a particularly good job this year with the women’s uniforms. You’ve seen them: the modestly high-scooped neck, long sleeves, high-cut legs.

We watched the women’s team run, jump, twist, bend, leap and bound. You know what I didn’t see? Those cute leotards riding up their butts. I never once saw that universal, if not Olympic, women’s move – the panty pull.

I can see all your heads nodding. You know the one. This is how it goes: In a synchronized swing, both hands move back past the thighs. While in motion, both index fingers extend and, as they arrive at the buttocks, they slip inside the fabric, immediately sliding down the fabric and pulling the cloth down over the gluteus maximus – quickly slipping out of the panty or bathing suit at completion. Without stopping, both hands brush past the sides of the thighs as they complete the forward swing that completes the panty pull. It was a completely fluid motion. It only took two seconds. And we’ve all spent a good portion of our lives pulling panties or bathing suits back down where they’re supposed to be.

If scientists could use a trip to the moon to create Tang, why can’t designers take a trip to the Olympics to give us panties that don’t ride up our butts?

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